RISE OF THE GUARDIANS (FAN MADE) HONEST TRAILER

                                                        The Following is a fan written script for an Honest Trailer for

                                                                 Dream Works' Rise of the Guardians

From the studio that put a hipster childrens' book series on steroids (How to Train Your Dragon logo appears) and gave us the only animated movie awesome enough to make The Lego Movie crap its pants (cue How to Train Your Dragon 2 logo)Comes another ‘roided-out hipster childrens' book series movie that's basically the Avengers for kids. (Even though every kid's probably seen the Avengers by this point)

Harness your inner child, while still defending your adulthood with all the action of the movie all about the Guardians. (Cue a clip from the Owls of Ga'Hoole) whoops, not those ones...(cue Guardians of the Galaxy clip) nope...(cue RotG footage) there we go. (ding)

                                                                 Dream Works' “Rise of the Guardians”  

                                                                                        In 3D
                                                                         ( I know, right? 3D...shocker)

Witness the awesome tale of all your favorite childhood characters coming together for the first time ever. Not counting when Disney did it with The Santa Clause movies, of course. And if you thought nothing could beat Once Upon A Time you were...kinda right, actually. I mean, this movie's great, but let's be honest here. Nothing could ever beat Robert Carlisle's Rumplestilskin, dearie. 

Watch these characters get the movie steroid treatment and become kinda compelling heroes. Heroes like;

North; a big, muscular, Russian swordsman Santa Claus voiced by Alec Baldwin (who, for the first time in who knows how long is actually playing a good guy), who makes toys that would put all other toy companies to shame...wow, that looks awesome! I wish Santa would've brought me something like that growing up. All I got was deodorant and fresh undies.

Bunnymund; the Easter Bunny, who’s pretty much a fluffy, Australian version of Batman. With his height, his martial art skills, and his awesome boomerangs, all complete with a Bunny-cave. But damn if those eggs aren’t adorable.

Tooth; a librarian-ish, fairy-ish tooth collector, who collects kids' teeth to keep the memories stored inside...because baby teeth do that now, I guess. A Tooth Fairy who you never would have expected to be the Tooth Fairy if you saw her.

The Sandman; the adorable, silent but deadly dream weaver who has nothing to do with the Marvel villain, and is somehow connected to Pitch Black, who he straight up Hulk smashes at the end...come on, that's totally the same scene. Don't pretend you don't see it.

Watch as they team up to defeat the boogeyman, who's powers are basically like the Sandman...only the opposite...I think...  

They'll get some help from a new hero. Jack Dawson, a fun, sarcastic, fan girl magnet who froze to death for the sake of a girl he loved on a sinking ship... (record scratch) wait, that's not right... Oh, here we go...(ahem)

(dramatic narrative music starts back up) Follow Jack Overland , another fun, sarcastic, fan girl magnet who froze to death to save a girl he loved... only they were ice skating, and she's his sister, so there's that difference I guess...

See his fascinating inner struggle as he becomes Jack Frost, after he's brought back from the dead by the moon. Which, for some reason is now a magical all powerful being who can do stuff like that...but hey, if Disney can get away with half the sh*t they do, I guess that's nothing.

In a first awareness scene that kind of reminds you of that one part in Tangled, he'll discover that he has awesome powers. Powers like; frost touch, walking on water, walking on telephone wires, bobsledding, adding sparkly ice effects to stuff that's already frozen, harnessing wind to fly with a random wooden stick, and a super awesome ice blasting power he just now discovered he could do, that Pitch builds immunity to after the first go. (Pitch: "That little trick doesn't work on me, anymore!") Wow, that was fast...

Jack discovers right off the bat that because know one knows about him, he's invisible to the world and he has no idea where he came from... and doesn't really even try to investigate it for like 300 years, because he just assumed he appeared in that lake one day... (Jack: In the lake, I...I just assumed, I...") Seriously?

Enjoy the humor of witty arguing between Jack and his life long frie-nemy; the Easter Bunny. Who, for the sake of being played by the Wolverine, is a six foot tall Australian in this movie.  

Watch personalities clash Avengers style, after Jack is chosen to be a Guardian, responsible for the well being of every single child on Earth...even though we just watched him almost send that one kid into a marble statue and laugh about it...no wonder this guy held the naughty list record for so long. I mean really, what a jerk...

Anyway...watch Jack willingly go along with them to fight Pitch Black, even though he still refuses to consider himself aligned with them, until he discovers that helping them could help him find out how he became Jack Frost... even though he probably lost those baby teeth way before that accident ever happened. But hey, they'll still have those memories, right?

He'll discover why he was chosen in a flash back scene that also kind of reminds you of Tangled...(seriously, you people wonder where Jackunzel came from?)

You'll be on the edge of your seat, as the Guardians gather in their weakest state, to defeat an army of...kind of scary looking horses made entirely out of sand, that nobody else but the Guardians and these few kids can see...kind of sounds lame when you say it out loud like that. Definitely not an army of totally visible aliens, that's for sure.

And watch as Pitch is dragged down to the pits of his own lair, just because his horses sense that he's being a scared little baby. Which, come to think of it isn't really defeating him, since he's in his own home, and he can still come back at any given time...ah well, I guess we can still call that a win.

Starring:

Jim Hawkins (Jack)

Hugh Jackrabbit (Bunny)

Sand Hulk (Sandy)

Overly Attached Girlfriend (Tooth)

Arm Tattoos (North)

Tinker Bird (Baby Tooth)

Creepy Minions (The Elves)

Emo Loki (Pitch)

Nightmare Moon (Nightmares)

Modernism (The Ice/Sand blast sculpture thing)

Dr. Phil (Phil the Yeti)

Russian Dolls

Eep (Cupcake)

and young Rapunzel (Sophie)...seriously, you're still wondering where it came from?

                                                                      Dream Works' “Once Upon A Time”

                                                    Meh, Guardians of the Galaxy still sounds cooler. Just sayin'.

You know, there's nothing to say his sister didn't fall into that lake when the ice cracked under his feet. And if she died and got ice powers too, then maybe...hmm...(cue short footage of the snowflake at the beginning of Frozen)... NAH!