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EVERYTHING WRONG WITH DISNEY PIXAR'S BRAVE

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EVERYTHING WRONG WITH BRAVE (SPOILERS...DUH)


  1. Pixar follows the Disney trend of one worded adjectives for titles

  2. Pixar's first Princess film is also only it's 3rd movie to have a rating higher than G...true story

  3. Elinor: “Where's m' little birthday girl, hmm?” Opening on a close encounter with the villain that happened on the Princess's birthday cliché

  4. Elinor's hair is in two braids and she has a white streak going down the right side...sound like any recent Disney Princess franchise additions?

  5. Young Merida: “I missed.” Adorable line from Merida is adorable

  6. The spanking joke wasn't appropriate for kids in The Incredibles, and it really isn't here

  7. Well, I see Merida went to the Jake Sulley school of getting distracted in a forest

  8. It's really not safe to be running after something with an arrow in your hand...especially when that arrow is almost bigger than you are

  9. Where exactly were the wisps leading a five or six year old girl?

  10. Main character gets called back to their family while exploring a magical anomaly cliché

  11. Guy who's arch nemesis is an enchanted being ironically doesn't even believe in magic cliché

  12. Elinor: “Your father doesn't believe in magic.” Merida: “Well he should, cause it's true.” Really, Pixar? We're teaching kids that sorcery exists?

  13. There is no way that none of these guys saw Mor'Du before Merida screamed

  14. Wow, for a beast who's supposedly set only on destruction, it was awfully polite of Mor'Du to wait patiently before doing any actual damage while Elinor and Merida ride off to safety

  15. Mor'Du wasn't even really doing anything when he showed up...in fact, the one who started the fight was Fergus

  16. Dramatically cutting to the next scene as the towering beast slashes at the screen cliché

  17. How to Train Your Dragon style main character voice over during a fly over shot of the landscape. I'll give it to you this one time, Dream Works. Happy now?

  18. Merida Voice Over: “The story of how my father lost his leg to the demon bear; Mor'Du became legend.” Which, you're not gonna get any precise details about, except for when I rudely interrupt yet another telling of the story later.

  19. Nobody touches the leg

  20. OK, so we know why Fergus has a chip on his shoulder with Mor'Du now, but why did it seem like he and the bear were sworn enemies before the whole opening scene happened?

  21. Merida Voice Over: “I became a sister, to three brothers, the princes. Wee devils, more like. They get away with murder.” Yeah, that's kind of what happens when your dad is the King.

  22. Why was Merida randomly standing in front of the closed gate while eating an apple?

  23. Quickly paced montage to illustrate the main character's point cliché

  24. In the whole first five minutes of Merida's dialogue, only like 5% of it is actually Merida herself speaking on screen

  25. Male character getting attacked by a small animal is funny cliché

  26. Merida Voice Over: “But once in a while, there's a day where I don't have to be a princess.” Which is what day...exactly? Is it your birthday again?

  27. I see Merida went to the Flynn Rider school of getting around a castle

  28. This song is empowering enough to inspire a snail to jump into a pool of salt

  29. Pixar does something they literally haven't done since Toy Story, by having a main character's song that's never actually sung by the main character

  30. Merdia's horseback archery skills makes Clint Barton look like a first year Cub Scout shooting day camp archery with a PVC bow

  31. If princess training takes up so much of her time, how did she have time to memorize a horse riding route, perfect her horse riding and archery skills, and put up targets at different points on the route?

  32. Oh yeah, I'm sure that water from the falls is totally OK to drink without at least getting a stomachache

  33. I see Merida went to the Rocky Balboa school of victory dances

  34. Isn't it dangerous to be dancing on top of the Crone's tooth like that?

  35. Well, I'm glad you showed her climbing the cliffs, but how the hell did she get down after wards? I take it back, this song right here just might have the Disney record for time jumps...OK, so it doesn't, but still...

  36. She's the princess...it's not like she'd get in trouble for taking a whole tray of pies from the kitchen

  37. Merida: “Then, CHOMP! Dad's leg was clean off! Down th' monster's throat it went.” Fergus: “Aw, that's m' fav'rite part!” Old timer's favorite part of a story is when he gets wounded cliché

  38. Merida: “Mordu has never been seen since.” The villain has never been seen since cliché

  39. Merida: “And he's still roaming the wilds, waiting for his chance of revenge.” Revenge for what? He's the one who bit your dad's leg off. It's not like Fergus ever did anything to him...at least not that we, as an audience, know of.

  40. Also, call me crazy, but I find it hard to believe that this supposed demon bear just up and left the entire scene after partially disabling his opponent

  41. Elinor: “What did you do, dear?” Merida: (sighs) “Nothing...” Main character says something impressive and dangerous they did, but the parent is too busy with something to hear it cliché

  42. Elinor: “Fergus, would you look at your daughter's plate?” Fergus: “...so what?” Wow, Pixar's disregarding portion control now? Are they really that Anti-Obama?

  43. If Fergus was so concerned about his leg getting a little scratched by an opponent's sword, why is he now egging his dogs on to chew on it?

  44. Did Maudie's first shot in the scene really have to be positioned like this? It's Pixar for crying out loud...

  45. Merida: “Whaaaaaat...did I do now?” Elinor: “Your father has something to discuss with you.” Wow, that spit take gives us two adult jokes already, and we're not even half way through the film.

  46. They're already competing for her marriage? She's not even an adult yet, she's like what, 16? Well, I guess I can't really complain about that, since it's set in like 13th century Scotland (I don't know exactly when it's set...sue me)

  47. Princess doesn't want to be forced to get married cliché

  48. Merida's got some serious anger issues if she's sliced up her bed post this many times with her sword.

  49. How convenient that the chess pieces were carved to look exactly like the characters of the story.

  50. Elinor: “Once, there was an ancient kingdom.” Story starts out in an ancient kingdom cliché

  51. Elinor: “It's name, long forgotten.” Nobody remembers the name of the legend's location cliché

  52. Seriously, who didn't see this legend ending up as Mor'Du's origin story?

  53. Conversation between two characters who aren't even in the same room cliché

  54. Giving her everything you never had? You were the f&^%ing prince and princess!

  55. Is Angus just the next Maximus?

  56. Is it just me or does this scene of the arrival of the clans have a serious “Goblet of Fire” vibe going on?

  57. Are you kidding me with this body paint?

  58. There is no way that all of Merida's hair would fit under that dress

  59. Girl in a tight dress says she can't breathe cliché

  60. Woman observing said dress humorously still says it's perfect cliché

  61. Wow...way to set us up for a heart warming mother daughter moment and totally cop out, Pixar. I got my feels ready and everything

  62. Merida invented the Superman hair swirl

  63. Guard: “I'd like to announce the arrival, of the lords...” Yes, that was Ham the piggy bank's voice.

  64. Woman is more prepared for the event than the man, and has to save him from looking stupid cliché

  65. Clan leader pissing contest

  66. Man eggs on the fight only to be rebuked by a single look from a woman cliché

  67. Woman breaks up a fight simply by walking through cliché

  68. Woman humorously drags grown men by the ear cliché

  69. How convenient that there's not one, but two loop holes in the rules that technically let Merida compete

  70. They let the hand of the Princess go to the guy who wins at one sole event? What, have they never heard of best two out of three?

  71. Merida: “Oh, that's attractive.” If she thinks that's bad, let her watch an episode of Marriage Boot Camp

  72. Underdog competitor gets the best score by complete accident cliché

  73. Part 2 of Lord Dingwal's victory dance...You know, for kids!

  74. I see Merida went to the Batman school of off screen disappearances

  75. Merida: “I am Merida, first born descendant of Clan Dun Broch, and I'll be shooting for my own hand.” Now legal in several US States

  76. I see Merida went to the Jennifer Walters school of ripping dresses

  77. Come on, we all new the Robin Hood thing was gonna happen eventually

  78. Also, Merida's a jerk to other people's arrows

  79. IN.YOUR.FACE...literally

  80. Merida: “I would rather DIE than be like you!” We all have or will say this to our parents at one point in our lives

  81. Also, Merida's really skilled with that sword if she was able to slice that thin line between their hands without even looking

  82. She's the princess, it's not like she couldn't get a new bow anyway

  83. Elinor: “Oh no...what have I done?” Other than give us another piece of “breaking the bond” symbolism, really nothing.

  84. Where exactly was she going when she mounted Angus? Was she running away? Did she need to clear her head? Either way, it sure worked out for stumbling upon that weird, Scottish Stone henge.

  85. Despite obviously having never been to that part of the forest, Angus automatically takes Merida straight to the ring of stones, because the story demands it

  86. Why couldn't Angus go through the stones? Was there some kind of barrier that blocks out animals? A little explanation here would be nice, Pixar...just sayin'

  87. Crafty Carver: “I'm not a witch! Too many unsatisfied customers!” You...do know that doesn't change your species, right?

  88. Wow...that is some customer evacuation method

  89. Merida: “I want a spell to change my mom...that'll change my fate.” Um, she's a bear obsessed witch, Mer, I think a little clarification on what exactly “change my mom” meant would've been useful.

  90. It's only the eye of the newt that's supposed gets thrown in...not the whole thing

  91. Terminator tart cake

  92. Merida: “You're sure, if I give this to my mom, it will change my fate?” Crafty Carver: “Oh, trust me. It'll do the trick, dearie.” Wow, the vagueness in this conversation is overwhelming.

  93. Magical being disappears before giving the hero a key piece of information cliché

  94. Did we really need this montage of Merida preparing the cake?

  95. Elinor: “Oh, look at your dress...” What's the problem? You usually pay like $90 for something like this at Urban Outfitters

  96. I'd still rather sit through Fergus' “entertainment” than watch the piece of total bear crap Stephanie Meyer tries to pass off as a love story (no, I am still not saying it)

  97. Ouch! It's bad enough you killed the bear, now you're shooting arrows in his snout?

  98. Sophisticated, collected woman out belches probably every single man in the room cliché

  99. Merida: “So...should I just go tell them the wedding's off, then?” Seriously? Your mom might be dying from an enchanted cake, is that really what you should be worried about right now?

  100. The bear transformation has been taken completely off screen so Pixar can keep what they can of the PG rating

  101. Merida: “I didn't ask her to change you into a bear. I...just wanted her to change...you...” You couldn't have had this epiphany sooner, Princess of Vagueness?

  102. I know she's the queen and everything, but come on, does she really not understand the concept of the castle being full of bear hunters?

  103. Merida: “It's not like anyone's gonna see you!” Except for Maudie, who for the sake of the story, just happens to be walking past right now

  104. Character's accent is so thick no body can understand them cliché

  105. Lord Macintosh: “Oh, here we go. Another hunt through the castle.” They've hunted for bears in the castle before?

  106. Lord Digwal: “He's like a hound with that nose of his.” Hunter has the nose of a dog cliché.

  107. They get her dessert for a whole year? Can't these guys just help her because it's their mom and sister?

  108. I see Hamish, Hewbert and Harris went to the Scooby-Doo school of running from a mob.

  109. How many secret tunnels are in this castle?

  110. Clan leader pissing contest #2

  111. Merida: “Help yerselves to anything ye like as a reward.” Even though she just promised you her dessert for a year

  112. Also, she didn't, I don't know, throw away the super dangerous enchanted cake when she found it again?

  113. And on a third note, this whole room full of food, and they all go for this one little insignificant cake at the same time?

  114. Naked grown man butts

  115. How did Merida find her way back to the stone ring after only being there once?

  116. How come Elinor can be a bear and still go through the apparent invisible animal barrier that kept Angus out earlier? Or does it only block out animals that were born animals, and not humans that were enchanted? A little bit of explanation would seriously be nice here, Pixar.

  117. Merida: “I can't believe I found it!” To be honest, neither can we.

  118. Stupid elaborate security system is stupid elaborate

  119. Damn, this witch has some seriously barbaric security methods

  120. Magic cauldron is an answering machine

  121. Answering machine, an engraving of Sulley, a carving of the Pizza Planet truck, her obsession with bears, Pixar is basically coming out and saying “Hey look, it's Boo!”

  122. Why did the witch set up this answering machine if she expected the intruder to get hit with that flying knife?

  123. Crafty Carver Recorded message: “If you're that red haired lass, vile three.” Does she realize how many red haired girls there are in Scotland?

  124. CC Recorded message: “After the second sunrise, your spell will be permanent.” Why the second sunrise? What, was dusk or midnight too mainstream for ya there, Boo?

  125. Merida: “Fate be changed...mend the bond...what does that mean?” I actually got that pretty easily.

  126. Dude, you just blew up a witch's house/gift shop...I hope for your sake she doesn't hold a grudge

  127. I know it's raining, but why are they going to sleep now? It's like 5:00 in the afternoon, isn't it?

  128. Also, nobody back at the castle noticed that Elinor and Merida were missing overnight and that whole next day?

  129. Merida: “They're nightshade berries...they're poisonous.” Not all nightshade berries are poisonous

  130. Merida: “Where did you get this water? It's got worms!” Eating the worm joke that kids won't get, but adults can have a good, guilty laugh over.

  131. We now interrupt this Pixar movie to bring you “How to Train Your Bear Mom”

  132. Becoming on the inside what you look like on the outside cliché

  133. Queen trapped in a bear's body regresses to a cat chasing a laser pointer dot

  134. For a mystical being in charge of leading you to your fate, this little wisp sure is acting like a pest right now

  135. Merida: “You think this could be the kingdom from the story you were tellin' me?” Oh no, I'm sure this is the ruins of some other ancient lost kingdom that no body remembers the name to

  136. Merida: “The spell...it's happened before.” Uh yeah, the witch kind of hinted at that when she said “The last time I did this was for a prince.”

  137. Merida audibly describes the symbolism that we as an audience are pretty much already seeing

  138. Merida: “Oh no...the prince became...Mor'Du.” Ooooooh, shocker!

  139. Also, seemingly irrelevant legend turns out to be a true story linked to the enemy cliché

  140. So wait, that story about the princes was true? If it's true, then that's not symbolism, everything literally means to be what it is. Forgive me for quoting Doug Walker, but it's like Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland all over again!

  141. For a mindless bear, Mor'Du sure knows how to wait for someone to pause before saying his name to make a dramatic entrance

  142. Let's look at the clues. Witch gives Merida a spell she's given to a prince, spell turns mom into a bear, prince must have also turned into a bear with superhuman strength and endurance, dad's arch nemesis is a bear with super human strength and endurance...how did Merida not piece this together earlier? Is she secretly a blonde or something? Well, I guess it wasn't as obvious as the Tangled thing, but still...

  143. OK, so by now she has to realize that the kingdom fell and Mor'Du's spell stayed because he broke away from his brothers, so restoring their mother-daughter relationship will fix Elinor, right? Merida: “The witch gave us the answer...the tapestry!” Oh my gosh, are you serious?!

  144. Convenient secret castle entrance is convenient

  145. Clan leader pissing contest #3

  146. What happened over the past day that they're now in an all out free-for-all?

  147. Fergus: “None of your lads are fit to marry my daughter!” Lord Dingwal: “Then our alliance is over! This means war!” Wow, talk about a sore loser

  148. Woman breaks up a fight simply by walking through cliché

  149. There is no way that no body behind Merida noticed Elinor giving Merida these cues

  150. No body bothered to look and see what Merida was looking at?

  151. These “memorable” life saving moments are really small in comparison to other war stories I've heard

  152. Merida: “Uhhh...everyone, to the cellar! Let's crack open the king's private reserves to celebrate!” When in doubt, get the whole castle drunk

  153. Bear paw face snuggling fetish

  154. Hulking out at the least convenient moment cliché

  155. Fergus: “Elinor, dear, you'll never believe who just solved our little suitor problem.” It's been an entire day since he's seen her and Fergus is just now checking on Elinor? And on top of that, it's not even to see if she's feeling better? What kind of husband do you call that?

  156. Fergus didn't think to look around Elinor's room for splattered blood, guts, or any discernible signs of a human mutilation?

  157. Five clawed bear gives single clawed arm scratch

  158. Couldn't Merida have just summed her explanation up with “A witch turned mom into a bear.” like she did before?

  159. Disney Princess falls to her knees in despair and breaks down crying into her arms cliché

  160. Brother bears

  161. The bra purse

  162. These people will seriously run away from anything

  163. I see the boys went to the Spongebob school of inexplicably getting into a barricaded room

  164. Disney character uses a frying pan as a weapon cliché

  165. The key diving scene...You know, for kids!

  166. For a girl who doesn't spend very much time sewing, Merida seems very skilled at doing it on horseback.

  167. Elinor randomly runs through the forest and conveniently ends up at the ring of stones for no apparent reason

  168. Why was Mor'Du waiting this long to come out of hiding?

  169. Mor'Du only seems to come into play when there's a chance he might be killed...is the prince still partially in there and just has a Bruce Banner suicide complex?

  170. Hunter onveniently hesitates before delivering the final blow cliché

  171. The Expelliarmus arrow

  172. OK, so that's both parents now that she's gone up against with a sword

  173. Merida's told Fergus three times now that this bear is Elinor. If he won't listen to that, he's just plain boneheaded.

  174. Merida: “Boys!” Fergus: “Boys?” That he believes? Are you f&*$ing serious right now?

  175. Mor'Du seriously has a thing for dramatic entrances

  176. Merida: “Mor'Du...” Yeah, we know who it is. You don't have to say his name dramatically every time he shows up unexpectedly

  177. Fergus: “Kill it!” Boy, that escalated quickly.

  178. The Princess is in some kind of danger cliché

  179. Mor'Du had more than enough time to chomp Merida's head off while Elinor had the cliché last minute burst of strength

  180. Mamma bear don't think so

  181. I think deep down, we all wanted this to come down to a fight between two enchanted bear people

  182. Why was Mor'Du so persistent on focusing his attack on Merida?

  183. Nearly impossible to kill bear has same weakness as the hydra from Hercules

  184. That was too damn close

  185. Wait, was that a thankful nod? Was the prince seriously trying to kill himself to end being trapped as a bear? Does that mean Mor'Du never really meant to hurt anyone, he was just trying to pick a fight to do himself in, but always won because the bear always took over in battle mode like the Hulk? Not to sound like Doug Walker, but it's official, this movie has no villain!

  186. Wisps are actually the souls of dead people

  187. Even though we were just in the middle of the night, the second sunrise is upon us, because the budget just won't let this go much longer

  188. Disney princess says “I love you” just in time to break the curse cliché

  189. Fergus is a total perv

  190. Naked triplet butts

  191. Seriously, how did this get away with a PG rating?

  192. We interrupt this Pixar film to show you cover art for “Mother Bear”

  193. Elinor goes from Pre-Frozen-Ending-Anna to Post-Tangled-Ending-Rapunzel hair styles

  194. For someone who wasn't interested, Wee Dingwal sure is trying hard to win Merida over now

  195. These triplets are freaking ninjas

  196. Ending a Pixar movie with an unresolved friendly competition cliché

  197. Who else but the great and powerful John Lasseter is plastered right under “Executive Producer” spot in the end credits

  198. It took two actresses to voice Maudie

  199. End credit wood carving delivery scene that was missed by everyone who didn't bother to wait all the way through the end credits. So...again, pretty much everyone.



TOTAL SIN COUNT: 199
Sentence: Entertainment from Fergus
Yep, I'm back with more of these babies! Get ready, because I plan on Sin Counting Every movie in the RotBTD fandom. So, expect at least three more of these :evillaigh: Yes...I'm re-counting Tangled. And remember guys, these are all for the most part meant in sarcasm :3 Enjoy.
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"Elinor: “Your father doesn't believe in magic.” Merida: “Well he should, cause it's true.” Really, Pixar? We're teaching kids that sorcery exists?"


Okay to me as a witch magic does exist, and dude they're kids, let them have an imagination. They're most likely not going to believe in it when they get older